Groat in the Sack | Earn your membership to the mile-high club

By Jeff Groat [lifestyle bureau chief]

It starts with the ascent of a long, cylindrical… um, airplane, and ends with a descent into a warmer, often humid climate.

Over the Christmas break, people who feel a little adventurous will travel to warm and exotic locations to beat the winter cold. Some of these people will be feeling extra risqué and may want to try and spice up a 20 hour-long flight with a few maneuvers of their own.

The mile-high club. Yes, the numbers are likely very exaggerated as anyone can really claim to be a “member,” since proving or disproving membership is almost impossible.

If you’re planning on attempting some Boeing-Bedding or Lufthansa-Loving there are more than a few things to consider:

Security. Remember 9/11? Any screaming, moaning or thumping emanating from the lav may cause some alarm or, you know, some jail time.

If it’s understood just what you two are up to by people outside the lav, I’m quite sure a “sex in public places” charge becomes quite sticky.

Any camera used for “proof of membership” can be the incriminating nail-in-the-coffin.

People might just think you’re weird. Not everyone is as kinky as you (if you care about what others think).

It’s pretty damn obvious what two people are up to after petting, kissing, and playfully joking with each other, who then suddenly vacate their seats at the same time on a red-eye from Vancouver to Puerto Vallarta. At best, you’ve got 10 minutes, tops.

There’s probably only about two positions that are humanly possible to try in such a tight space.

You’re in the bathroom. On a plane. Where people, you know, go to the bathroom.

The only way to beat it? Space Shuttle sex.


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