Groat in the Sack: Baby, it’s cold outside

By Jeff Groat [lifestyle bureau chief]

The stretch from New Years to Easter is notorious for its long, dark days and fits of nasty depression in all but the best of us. For the rest, we turn to alcohol to drown our sorrows and numb us to the routine of modern existence. Here’s a list of alcoholic drinks and a little about what each says about the personalities of the people who drink them. Cheers.

Moonshine
Men who like women dressed up as nurses.

Red wine
You have patience, attention to detail and a penchant for doing things right. Sex.

White wine

You are too old for the bar scene, but you love wedding dance floors.

Cheap beer

You’re a man’s man, man. Expect to see a lot of other man’s men.

Dark beer

You’re like red wine drinkers, but more accessible.

Fruit beers
Go shave your bush, hippie.

Fruit wine

You’ll wake up with the sunrise on a grassy hill in summertime on a vineyard. Breakfast is scones with local honey-apricot preserves. You live here with four horses and two BMWs.

Vodka-cranberry
Health nut. You’ll be hung-over by the time they’re done with you. With you.

Whiskey
Rough sex anyone? Jail time anyone?

Rum and coke

A guy with an 80s ponytail. A lady who thinks Porsches are sexy.

Rum and OJ
Island riddims and island herbs be emanatin’ from da bedroom.

Gin and anything
Poor students and Winston from 1984 drink gin. Dom-Sub people.

Creme de menthe
Taken with one Viagra, two Centrum Silver.

Brandy & Cognac
Tupac and fat, white bankers. Both usually seen with cigars and stacks of money.

Coolers
PRTY animalZ.

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