Groat in the sack

Going bananas in the bedroom. Literally.

By Jeff Groat [lifestyle bureau chief]

While the act of eating may not be sexy in itself – the sounds, the mess, the drips out of the corner of the mouth – some foods have the power to please, whether you’re in the bedroom or about to head in there.

The legendary lover Casanova was rumoured to eat 50 raw oysters for breakfast each day, a testament to the idea that oysters look like female sexy parts. Although some people will attest that oysters can make anyone all hot and bothered and ready to go, most so-called erotic foods have gained their sexy power simply from looking like the things we love.

Take bananas, zucchini and of course, oysters. The blatant phallic shape of the former two leads many to naughty thinking when a whole vegetable is wrestled around on the plate. And Casanova wasn’t the only one who made the woman-oyster connection – he had a lot of sex is what I’m saying.

There are other foods that are just plain sexy, no suggestive shapes needed.

Dark chocolate for example is rich and velvety and smooth and full of flavour – who wouldn’t feel a little naughty licking down some brown bits?

Also, dark chocolate melts conveniently around body temperature, making it great for an “after dinner” snack.

Cherries (which, by the way, go well with chocolate) have long been associated with female sexuality.

The vibrant red colour, the beautiful curves of the berry, the arcing stem which just begs  to be knotted in the mouth – sorry I’m getting ahead of myself here.

Here’s an idea, grab some chocolate sauce, some cherry syrup and a stack of towels and head into the bedroom.

Is that you, Jackson Pollock? I’ve been very bad, now cover me in sauce you big sexy art-man.

Other things to try in the sack:
Champagne and strawwberries.
Honey.
Whipped cream.
Wine (try dripping).
Caramel sauce.
Anything sweet, sticky or creamy.

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