Signal when changing lanes

This is Jeff Groat. He’s the Runner’s sex columnist. He has only one qualification for the job: his last name sounds like a dirty word. That’s good enough for us.

Dear Jeff:
My boyfriend and I were doing it doggy-style one night at my place. We had no care, because no one was home – or so we thought. In the middle of this, my boyfriend decides to pull a fast one on me and do a “Mississippi lane change.”

Startled, I yelped and dove face first into my head board. As this fiasco is happening, my brother opens the door to my bedroom and witnesses everything. The best part is, I broke my nose on my headboard.

Now here is my question: how the fuck do I explain this mortifying situation to my innocent 13-year-old brother?

Dear Anonymous:
Sorry about your nose and good luck explaining that one.

As for your “innocent 13-year-old brother”, he’s probably not-so-innocent. So get over it. I’m sure he’s seen some gross shit on the web already. I was only 9 when I had a full understanding of Two Girls, One Cup. And–aside from being grossed out by seeing his sister in the act (which is unfortunate)–he was probably pumping his fist and celebrating a near successful lane change. I know I would.

It’s the 21st century, people are having all kinds of strange sex, especially teenagers with access to the internet.

Take it as a sign that all parties involved (except your brother) need to be clear on any attempts at porn-inspired fast-ones and surprise moves.