Gender: why does it matter?

By Michelle Deverough

From the moment we are born, we are assigned a gender based on what the doctor sees at birth. The gender assigned – a socially constructed role – is usually based on the sex of the baby. Therefore, there are usually only two options for the baby to be, either a little boy or a little girl. As the child grows up, the child is raised as the perceived gender, and taught to follow the norms set out for their particular gender.  Little girls are supposed to play with dolls, little boys are supposed to be loud and rambunctious. Little girls are supposed to love to bake and be sensitive; little boys are supposed to love sports and enjoy the more violent things that life has to offer.

But what if the little boy or little girl does not choose to follow those predetermined stereotypes? What if the little boy enjoys baking and is emotionally sensitive? What if the little girl is a sports fanatic and enjoys playing war or wrestling. What if, one day the little girl goes up to her mom and says, “mom, why can’t I wrestle and play rough like all of the other little boys my age?” What if the little boy goes up to his mom in tears because he’s not the same as all of the other little boys? What if, beyond not fitting the stereotypes considered appropriate for their perceived gender, their gender identities – their true, inner gender – do not match their sex and the gender they are perceived to be? The parent, meaning well, would probably turn to them and tell them that it’s just a phase they’re going through, and that they will grow out of it, or that the other children are just being mean. Most parents won’t acknowledge the fact that their child is unhappy with their gender, and instead will put blinders on and force the child to conform to the gender norm.As the child gets older, and puberty sets in, they may not understand what is happening to their bodies.  It is very disconcerting for someone whose gender identity is that of a boy, to suddenly develop breasts and realize that even though they feel the same mentally, they suddenly aren’t the same person, both emotionally and physically  It is equally as hard for someone whose gender identity is that of a girl since the earliest memory to suddenly have their voice drop, sprout hair all over their bodies, and (for some) start losing their hair.  This sudden change can bring about a very real mental disconnect, a dissonance, as the body, in effect, betrays them.  They may take steps to hide this, or withdraw, and as they get older, they try to deal with suppressing their gender identities.

Contrary to popular belief, sexuality and gender identity are not the same thing. For some people, it is a hard concept to grasp. It should be simple. If one is seen as a boy, this means that their sexuality can be gay, straight or bisexual. If one is female, then their sexuality can be lesbian, straight or bisexual. But for people who are trans-gender or transsexual – their gender identities do not match their sex – sexuality is much more fluid than that, because these labels lose their meaning once they start being true to their gender identities and moving about as their preferred gender. For example, even though the majority of trans men (men who were born female) in Vancouver have strong ties to the lesbian community because they have had the experience of coming out as lesbians before acknowledging their gender identities to themselves, this label does not fit anymore. There are some trans-men who, no matter when they transitioned (hormonal and social process of presenting according to one’s gender identity), find themselves attracted to women, and there are others who find themselves attracted to men.

Conversely, there are those in the transgender community that find themselves attracted to a person’s energy, not to what the person has in their pants.  This type of thinking seems to be more prevalent as more people are discovering their place on the gender spectrum.  So the question then becomes, “should transgender be considered part of the sexuality community?” Given that the LGB is composed of sexual orientation minorities.  Transgender is not a sexuality, it is the expression of an incongruous self-identity.  It has been estimated that between one and three percent of the global population are transgendered. With so many people transgressing the gender binary in one way or another, it seems fitting that trans should not be seen as a sexuality, or a lifestyle choice. It should be seen as another minority group that is fighting for its rights and freedoms.

Trans should not be seen as the silent presence, called upon to defend the rights of LGB people in general, without including the defence of those in the ‘T’ category.
It would be nice if, one day, what people have in their pants doesn’t matter.  Why get so hung up on genitals, when it’s the person as a whole whom you befriend or fall in love with? Maybe one day people won’t care about genitals. It seems to be slowly changing, but as the saying goes, “Rome wasn’t built in a day”.

Personally, I love who I love regardless of their sexuality or gender. Now the rest of the world needs to catch up with this line of thinking.