Staplers vs. thumbtacks: the battle for office supply dominance

Why you’re better off with those pointy pins rather than a boring metal dispenser

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When hanging calendars or attaching papers, there comes a time when you hold thumbtacks in one hand and a stapler in the other. You might feel the need to go for the stapler. If so, stop what you’re doing right now and slowly put down the stapler so you can re-educate yourself. Thumbtacks are better in any case, and here’s why.

Thumbtacks will make any obsessive organizer fall in love with them. From yellow to green, the colourful backs of each of these pins add more joy to your detail-oriented quirkiness.

Also, you can put thumbtacks in a see-through container as art decor for your desk. Your fellow students will think you’re the Andy Warhol of office spaces.

The sounds staplers make when you attach papers for that essay you need to hand in tomorrow are so cringy. The clacks and subtle echoes from this office tool as it presses a staple into your assignment will inevitably irk you. Your gag reflex will have a field day as that intolerable stapler racket activates your stomach’s classic Shakespearean stage direction: exit lunch out of mouth.

You don’t need this hassle. You’re a student that came from a headache-induced lecture that just raised Tylenol’s profit margins. After a long day, you just want to drift into a peaceful, soundless, unconscious paradise.

Thumbtacks barely make a sound, and while they make holes in your wall, they’re small and hardly noticeable. Your ears will thank you when you pin your calendar with thumbtacks. If you do the same thing with a stapler, you make twice as many holes with each staple it dispenses.

Now you’re stuck with having to bring Mr. Staple Remover into the fray. Your troubles worsen when your entire strip of wallpaper comes off with the staple.

That stubborn piece of metal falls to the floor. From here, you groan in frustration. You bend down, pick up the staple, but then it slips out of your grip, falling to the ground again. You stomp your foot in anger. Round two, you hold the staple tightly and throw it into the trash like the feisty Olympian you are.

You stand upright, looking back at the stapler that sits lifeless on the table. You say to that monstrous machine, “I brought you home from Staples, and your response is to be a deviant?” No explanation, no apology from this irresponsible nuisance.

Thumbtacks won’t do this to you. After all, one hole is better than two. They’re easy to remove, too, so that’s a plus.

Don’t trouble yourself with a cold-hearted stapler. Stick with thumbtacks. They’re your best friends, won’t give you grief, and are easy to use. Did I mention that they’re also colourful? I did? Then, why are you still reading this? It’s thumbtack time. Get to it.