Cereal mascots caught in an absurd dollar store heist

Everyone’s favourite cereal character had crime for breakfast in a massive cheap toy robbery

(paper, Flickr/ ‘playingwithbrushes’, characters, Kellogs and General Mills, edited by Kristen Frier)

A bizarre heist was foiled by authorities this afternoon. Several toys from local dollar stores were stolen by cereal mascots — Lucky the Leprechaun (also known as Lucky Con), Tony the Tiger (also known as TT Flakes), and Snap, Crackle, and Pop (also known as The Krispy Three).

Detectives tracked down the Leprechaun, and his cohorts after marshmallow cereal shaped like rainbows, three-leaf clover hats, and other icons were discovered at the crime scene. 

Each mascot played a unique role in the robbery. Snap, Crackle, and Pop, who once worked in electronics before cereal marketing, hacked into security and surveillance systems. They shut them down, Mr. Robot style. 

Tiger distracted the security guards by tricking them into playing hockey with him. He told them they were going to meet Sydney Crosby. Lucky led the heist, using his magic to break into the stores. He carried the toys in his hat.

Lucky’s team planned to place the toys in their cereal boxes to relive the old times. There hadn’t been a crime of this scale since the elaborate Pixar caper of 2010.

“We just wanted to be relevant again,” said Snap.

“Yeah,” said Crackle. “You try staying fresh and hip after wearing the same clothes for 10,000 years.”

“I don’t even like Rice Krispies,” said Pop. “I’m allergic. Do you even know how painful it is to promote food you can’t eat?”

These shocking statements were just some of the recorded content after detectives questioned the mascots for hours. However, a new development added more intrigue to the case.

No toys were found in any of the mascots’ cereal boxes. Every grocery store chain was searched from Shoppers Drug Mart to Superstore. The stolen toys were all gone, almost like magic. 

A few days after the heist, Lucky lived up to his nickname. He had been lying to his fellow mascots. Apparently, his body double was the one arrested. The real Leprechaun escaped, intentionally leaving his branded cereal to sacrifice the team. 

Lucky was eventually caught by a grocery store clerk as he entered the breakfast foods aisle. He replaced cereal in seven Fruit Loops boxes with stolen toys before he was apprehended. 

After being questioned by breakfast investigators, Lucky revealed that it was a prank to get back at the Fruit Loops mascot Toucan Sam. They were once business partners in the middle of creating a new cereal called Charm Circles. Sam left the project to pursue his brand, making Lucky feel abandoned and betrayed. 

“Why involve your friends though?” Asked one investigator.

“I needed some help. Who better to assist me than those gullible fools?” said Lucky. “I just wanted to give that back-stabbing bird some payback.”

After their incarceration, the green magic-user and his team’s images were taken off their brands and ads. Local company Honeybee Incorporated absorbed the Lucky Charms, Frosted Flakes, and Rice Krispies cereals. They used a tap-dancing wasp for a new mascot.

Lucky, Tiger, Snap, Crackle, and Pop had to work at dollar stores as community service. 

“Thanks a loooooot!” said Tiger to Lucky during one shift. 

Reporters tried reaching Sam for comment about the heist to no avail.