Actor enticed into absurd underwater audition

An actor shares his story about auditioning for a weird casting director

(Kristen Frier)

(Kristen Frier)

Recently, an actor spoke to journalists claiming that he participated in an underwater audition for a strange casting director (A.K.A. CD) called Mr. Nameless. The actor, who shall be referred to as “John Script” to preserve his anonymity, met Mr. Nameless at a local Dairy Queen (A.K.A. DQ) while lining up for an ice cream cone. Mr. Nameless, who was eating a cotton candy blizzard — the worst flavour from DQ — approached Script with the proposal for a movie audition.

Script said that they shook hands, then boarded a boat that took him to the sea. He was equipped with scuba gear and instructed to meet Mr. Nameless on the ocean floor. 

When he arrived, the CD, whose face could barely be seen behind his scuba mask, paired Script with another actor who was also in scuba gear. He then gave them the two lightsabers from his pocket. 

“Mr. Nameless just told us, ‘Can you take these lightsabers, activate them, fight each other for a while, turn them off after you’re tired, toss the swords over your heads, then laugh like hyenas?’ It was silly, but I thought I was trying out for Star Wars, the movie I’ve always wanted to star in since I was a child,” said Script.

When the lightsaber fight was done, Mr. Nameless ordered Script to get into a shark cage lowered from the boat. Mr. Nameless then released a shoal of piranhas from the boat’s tank hanging above the surface.

The actor says he’s still haunted by the sound of swishing water and chomping sounds from the ravenous fish rushing at him. He was also perplexed as to how Mr. Nameless was able to find piranhas that could survive in saltwater, which made them scarier.

Script recalled how he screamed until he realized the fish couldn’t puncture his scuba gear. The actor expressed how each bite just tickled him and made his wetsuit itchy. Having lost interest in their unbitable prey, the piranhas saw a shark in the distance and chased after it instead. 

It was at this point that Script became furious with Mr. Nameless. He called him a “maniac” and demanded an explanation as to why they were even doing an underwater tryout in the first place. 

“The laser swords I can handle, but he threw piranhas at me. At the time I thought I could’ve died,” said Script. However, Mr. Nameless offered him $100,000 to stay, and the actor complied. 

Mr. Nameless then told him that he chose to hold the audition underwater because, to him, any hooligan can audition in the air, but it takes a real artist to “deep dive” into a scene.

Despite his promise to do so, Mr. Nameless ultimately never paid or compensated the actor, and Script still has no idea what movie he was auditioning for.