The mystery of Subway’s tuna

It’s unlikely that a ‘mixture of various concoctions’ serves as a healthy food alternative

A Subway sandwich, Italian bread, un-toasted, with just tuna. (Kristen Frier)

A Subway sandwich, Italian bread, un-toasted, with just tuna. (Kristen Frier)

Nowadays, dining out is less about being wealthy and more about avoiding the “don’t eat this if you wanna look in the mirror and smile” feeling, and testing out your “this can’t possibly be good for me” ability of restraint because a large extra-ham-bacon-extra-cheese-extra-whatever burger looks sexy and smoking hot when compared to a lousy salad.

You know you have to get your game up if you ever want to have a real shot at impressing your health-conscious and effortlessly in shape crush. But, Timbits and doughnuts are a guilty pleasure and you my dear child are guilty of more than gluttony. 

So finally you get your act together and switch to some options you consider “healthy,” to supplement your frequent misadventures at the gym. Most Canadians’ idea of healthy food starts and stops at Subway as a ‘healthier alternative’ to other food chains.

But, here’s the deal, the tuna of the tuna sandwich fame might not even be real, and no I’m not commenting on the metaphysical aspect of things, I’m actually talking about the possibility of it not being made out of, well, tuna. Or even fish for that matter. 

A recent American lawsuit claims to have found no evidence of tuna at all, and describes their tuna sandwich as a “mixture of various concoctions.” This, according to them, implies that no traces of tuna were found in various samples collected across California, courtesy of independent lab tests. However, they declined to reveal exactly what was found in the samples, if they weren’t tuna. 

Okay, no problem, some people like secrets. I personally can’t resist the temptation of not knowing what I’m eating. It makes things exciting!

Here’s the spicy part, the merit of this lawsuit has been called into question by a New York Times investigation wherein DNA tests revealed that either tuna DNA was difficult to be identified because of being heavily processed, or there wasn’t any at all. It was also noted however that DNA becomes denatured after cooking and is thus hard to detect. Gross.

Meanwhile, A badass judge in Ireland also concluded — rest assured science did make a cameo — that Subway bread was not actually bread but just glorified confectionery. 

Imagine the earth-shattering revelation that our beloved corporation was lying to us the whole time! Truly a sad day for lazy healthy eaters out there.