Literal food for your car

A list of five foods that offer highs and lows for fueling your driving life



If you’re looking for the best fuel to use for your cars, consider food to supply your travels. Like actual food. Prince Charles recently told reporters that, since his car can run on a high percentage of biofuel, he fills up his tank with wine and cheese byproducts.

The meals we typically eat are the last thing we’d think to use to fill up our vehicles. However, food could certainly be a better alternative fuel than gas if you have too much food and not enough gas. But which kinds of food are best?

Hot sauce  

Hot sauce is the best food for your car since it’s the fastest way to get you anywhere. Worrying about traffic will be outdated as drivers will gladly move out of your way as you leave zesty burning tire treads in your wake. You’ll get to hand in that final essay first in a burst of spices and flaming hot peppers. 

In our fast-paced world, getting somewhere quickly is paramount to success when crunched for time. Be aware, though, that hot sauce is such a volatile fuel that before you know it your car will melt into a sad metallic puddle. You’ll get to school first, just have no personal attachments with your vehicle and you’ll be okay.


Oranges are one of the best fuels for your car too. Putting these fruits in your tank will be eco-friendly and produce tangy aromas out of your tailpipe rather than carbon emissions. You then realize you created an organic air freshener, not just a fuel, which may revolutionize the car industry. 

However, oranges are second best because their peels and pulps will leave a nasty stink from decomposing inside your tank. No one will want to carpool with you, be it your significant other or your friends. At least with hot sauce, you’ll lose your car but not your social life on the road. 

Oreo cookies

Oreo cookies can get you to work or school smoothly. It’s a middleman because of its Goldilocks standard – it won’t get you to your destination first, but you won’t lose your car or friends either. Still, you need to really make sure you pace yourself with this food fuel. If you have an Oreo addiction, watch your cravings and conserve those iconic treats for your car to two cookies per two-way trip. 

The white fillings and dark round wafers will give your engine maximum creamy efficiency. You need to discipline yourself before using Oreos as your fuel for the long game. These cookies can do wonders for your driving, but their empty boxes definitely won’t. 

Gummy worms

Gummy worms are actually the worst food item you could use for your car despite their minor  benefit. The artificial sweeteners will spell doom for your daily travels, and these worms will cause some problems with your fellow drivers. 

They will hurl themselves out of their cars and start swarming you like sugar crazed zombies to get at those candies when stuck in traffic. You might say, “Why bother using gummy worms then?” Well, while you’re moving, you’ll have the most psychedelic ride ever from the vibrant colours of these worm fumes engulfing you and your vehicle. Just avoid stopping at intersections.