Why fidget spinners would make the new Batman a special standout

Matt Reeves would put doubters to rest if these popular toys were the hero’s newest gadget to fight crime

(Unsplash/Yulia Matvienko)

(Unsplash/Yulia Matvienko)

Fans are getting anxious for director Matt Reeves’ The Batman movie scheduled for March 4. The question swirling in everyone’s minds is what will make this version of the Caped Crusader different beyond a new lead and story? 

Here’s the obvious answer: fidget spinners. Batman should use fidget spinners instead of batarangs.

Batarangs are sharp and dangerous hazards for any crimefighter. It’s a miracle that past Batman actors, from Michael Keaton to Christian Bale, never lost their fingers. But with fidget spinners, the Dark Knight removes the danger factor and can even pacify supervillains, and stop their devious schemes.

Fidget spinners would stop Riddler in his tracks. Let’s say he’s spray-painting green question marks on Batman comics to ruin any inspiration for future sequels. Just when he’s about to give Justice League issues the same trademark, the real Batman swoops in for the save. 

Does the Dark Knight brutally beat up the riddle-themed baddie for ruining his comics? No.

All Batman needs to say is, “Look Riddy, a spinner,” and toss it to Riddler, who will play with the spinner like a cat distracted by a laser pointer. His adversary spins it and spins it until he realizes the prospect of Paul Dano playing him in a movie is itself a question mark. Batman can apprehend Riddler without laying a single punch. 

Fidget spinners might be the most absurd invention since Beyblades, but they’re the best way for Batman to have a clean conscience with his “no killing” code. Thank you, bizarre consumer product from Toys “R” Us.

The fidget spinner can function as a propeller that carries Batman to any rooftop for his evening broodings while chasing criminals safely. He can reach those literal and emotional heights without needing to worry about damaging property with his grappling hook and facing lawsuits afterward.

Those spinners save the city money, the repair workers the hassle, and the Caped Crusader the shame. He can defeat the underworld by using a popular toy that anyone, even supervillains, will adore. 

If Reeves is serious about making The Batman more special than the rest, the titular vigilante better use fidget spinners as his newest whimsical device. They’ll be the real key to Bruce Wayne’s ascent as a fearsome hero of the night.