Pastas that align with our major

Clearly macaroni is for the design and fine arts majors

Art by Kristen Frier

Art by Kristen Frier

It seems most of humanity has fallen accustomed to comparing ourselves to inanimate objects. 

Maybe one of the world’s most horrifying injustices is they don’t have one of those oddly specific personality quizzes to tell me what type of pasta shape correlates to my university major. 

Because this is the only important thing going on in my mind. 

I was feeling a bit saucy so I have created the answers for us. 

Potato gnocchi is clearly counselling and psychology majors. Biology majors are any of the long stringy pastas like spaghetti, fettuccine, and linguine — you pick which one you prefer biology students. 

Farfalle (the bowtie) is obviously for the classy business majors. 

And English majors are clearly tortellini, given the amount of reading and writing we do that makes us feel like imploding. 

The nonstop readings and essay writings perfectly align with the ring-shaped pasta. Never ending papers, link to a never-ending circle of eggy dough. Never. Ending. Not to mention the fact that it’s stuffed. 

Being an English major guarantees our professors stuff our minds with as much content as they possibly can. It doesn’t always mean that it sticks or its actually good content, but it’s in there nonetheless. 

One time I had a horribly bland filled meat tortellini and it summed up me trying to digest a long Victorian play I had to try and understand one semester. It went just as well as me trying to force myself to swallow that little piece of pasta. 

In general, tortellini are like the jack of all trades. Typically. And I’m not saying English majors are like that, but we can soak up things and work well with others. Usually. 

Tortellini works with all types of sauce. English students are like that. Though it might not work deep down, we like to make it seem as if we understand everything and go along with everything, but we don’t always. 

This is just a simple thing to show all the pasta-bilities for how humans can compare themselves to useless things. Let’s be honest, this didn’t really help you, did it?