PSA: KPU needs to release Ryan Reynolds from his ‘former university’
KPU’s pining is equal parts horrifying and embarrassing
From being named an honorary KSA member in 2017 to KPU reposting a blog listing his favourite Christmas movies in 2022, KPU has made Ryan Reynolds its unofficial mascot. (Wikicommons/Dick Thomas Johnson/File photo)
Ryan Reynolds — you might have heard the name. Deadpool star, Twitter icon, Vancouver-born actor, and according to Kwantlen Polytechnic University’s administration, a former student at our beloved institution.
Among his many accomplishments, including being married to the goddess Blake Lively, he attended the same university as you and I.
KPU likes to make a big deal about Reynolds attending the institution, going as far as to wish him well and congratulate him on his real accomplishments, signing off as his “former” university. While Reynolds is cool and all, I have never heard his name mentioned more than it is on KPU’s Twitter page.
I get it — they want to hold onto the hype of having a celebrity attend the institution, but that would only make sense if he actually attended KPU. Unlike their claims, Reynolds was not an “almost-alumni” because he was hardly an enrolled student.
On an episode of My Next Guest Needs No Introduction With David Letterman, Reynolds spoke about his life before Hollywood. Among other topics, he mentioned his enrollment at KPU, then known as Kwantlen College, where he only stuck around for only 45 minutes of his first class.
KPU cannot continue to drag Reynolds back and remind him of his university “days” when he didn’t even stay for an entire class, let alone a singular day. Reynolds said it was a criminology class, and that doesn’t exactly send the best message about our criminology program.
More recently, KPU shared “Ryan Reynolds’ Dirty Dozen Christmas Movie List” on their website and finally got a response from the legend himself after decades of pestering. Reynolds actually responded (he was probably threatened, possibly held at gunpoint. Scratch that, very likely held at gunpoint), but it was on LinkedIn of all places, so did KPU even get a response?
Despite what KPU wishes, Reynolds is not taking a three-decade gap year from his studies. He just wants to be left alone.
The amount of money KPU spends to advertise on buses and social media is thrown down the drain when they continue to plead for a sliver of Reynolds’s attention. As a current KPU student and hopeful actual alumni, I find it embarrassing to have KPU’s Twitter replies to Reynolds’s posts be connected in any way to my education.
If they keep acting like the ex that can’t move on, then that is what they will be known as forevermore. KPU, or Kontinuous Pestering of the Unnecessary? That spelling can say more about my education than Reynolds ever leaving a criminology class here. Also, you’d think KPU of all organizations would understand rejection at this point, but clearly some things don’t stick around for very long.
Despite my continuous annoyance with KPU’s pining, if Mr. Reynolds would like to speak at my commencement (circa Spring 2026), I, along with my fellow future graduates, would be honoured to have him preside over such an auspicious occasion. I’m sure KPU won’t mind tagging him in another post, but this time for slightly less nonsensical reasons. If Mr. Reynolds’s team could contact me regarding details, it would be much appreciated.
Should KPU continue on their dream to stardom, which they no doubt will, I’d recommend Reynolds find a discrete Safe House, until this dream gets Buried. And to KPU, The Proposal you’re looking for from Reynolds isn’t coming any time soon. Please get back to incorporating random quotes from the Deadpool series into your media campaigns. Remember, Reynolds doesn’t come Free Guy[s].
