The cost of love
How students in post-secondary are coping with their relationships in a deflating economy
Giggling, smiles, blushing, and embarrassed faces were a common recurrence when students at Kwantlen Polytechnic University were asked about their romantic relationships. While acts of service, words of affirmation, and physical touch are some ways you might express love to your significant other, there is something else that’s often considered a common love language — money.
With the cost of living and housing crises ravaging Canada’s economy, it can be hard to keep up with expectations when it comes to spending money on your significant other. This becomes significantly harder when you also have to pay for your education.
The average rent price for residential properties have grown by 20 per cent ever since the COVID-19 pandemic, a study by Urbanation found. This rent increase is said to be the fastest in over 40 years. While inflation might go down, the prices will not.
Finance journalist Rubina Ahmed-Haq says students should prioritize spending money on their tuition, accommodation, and study materials.
“Everything else should be considered secondary, because usually when you’re a student, there’s very little income coming in,” she says, adding that it’s extremely important to practice self-discipline when managing finances as a student.
“It’s really easy, because no one’s watching you take that money out of your account, to spend it and then get into a financial issue later.”
For students in a relationship, considering and understanding the parameters of one’s spending is important, Ahmed-Haq says. She suggests students look at their bank accounts and divide the number they currently own with the time remaining until they are on a break from school. This will equal the amount they should spend for the week.
“It’s new love usually when you’re a student … [and] it can be really exciting. But it’s important to still realize that you’re both students, and that it’s really easy to get caught up and spend money just because you’re so happy to be together,” Ahmed-Haq says.
“Really focus on doing things that are free, that bring you together but don’t necessarily cost a lot of money.”
Lara Aknin, a psychologist at Simon Fraser University, says individuals should step back and think about the purpose of giving in their relationships and how it is often simply a token of care, concern, and value for another person.
She suggests individuals should sometimes break away from the traditional pattern of giving flowers or chocolates to their loved ones and instead invest in something that is unique and makes the other person feel that you understand them.
Ahmed-Haq says students often face difficulty managing finances due to a lack of financial literacy skills. She says every young person should know how money, credit, and interest work in order to understand money management.
Students often feel their leftover funds are “a number that [has] to be spent” instead of saving up for the future, Ahmed-Haq says.
“Just because you’re a student, doesn’t mean you have to spend every penny you have in the bank account. You can still save money for the end of the year or the summer.”
Aknin says people often spend money on their loved ones because they feel expensive items have more impact on the recipients. However, she says there are other ways one can show care and concern like finding personal points of connection in a relationship.
Money should be an open conversation in families from the moment people start grade school to encourage how they can get the best value out of it, Ahmed-Haq says.
“Learning how to delay gratification is a tool that will help you and your pocketbook in the future.”
The term “infla-dating” has recently emerged and refers to coming up with affordable date alternatives to cope with inflation. Some of these activities include going on a picnic, doing a painting session, or taking advantage of happy hour specials. Infla-dating also pushes individuals to be more creative and do something out of the box instead of relying on the societal convention of first dates being all about money, according to Forbes.
Some of these tips include putting yourself first, asking for what you need in a relationship, not letting the relationship take over your life, and putting your education first.
In a survey conducted by Dalhousie University last year, 88 per cent of Canadian respondents reported dining out less because of increases in menu prices. Due to shrinkflation, 68 per cent people also observed the portion sizes of their food getting smaller while the cost remains the same.
Sarah DaSilva, a student at KPU, says she spends about $200 going out for dinner once a month with her partner. DaSilva, who also works full time, says she and her partner are both going back to school and thus don’t usually go out to budget for other expenses.
“We’re not really going out a lot because otherwise we don’t have money for living expenses and school.”
DaSilva says spending money on your significant other is a love language that helps express that you care about your partner, not just through buying gifts, but also having different experiences together like going out for dinner or booking a short trip away for the weekend.
One alternative she and her partner have found to spending money is staying in and cooking dinner together once a week or spending time walking their dog.
“It doesn’t cost money to be outside,” she says.
When it comes to dividing their finances, DaSilva says she and her partner split the costs evenly and are communicative with each other about finances.
“We don’t expect the other to go out of their way to get something expensive.”
Aknin says there are a few reasons behind the emotional benefits of gift-giving. People are often pressured into giving from friends, family, or society on various occasions, like Valentine’s Day.
“If you’re buying a Valentine’s Day gift because you think it’s expected of you, usually that’s counterproductive. It’s not great for feeling good about giving.”
She says people should be encouraged to give in ways that have an impact in feeling better about giving. When it comes to giving in interpersonal relationships, she says people should think of ways they might make a difference through the gift. Aknin also suggests giving in ways that foster social connections as to connect the giver with the recipient.
“The greater the social connection, usually the greater the emotional rewards of gifts.”
Ash Mann, a KPU graduate from the green business management and sustainability diploma, says being in a long-distance relationship prevents her and her partner from spending a significant amount of money each month. However, costs usually go up when one of them has to visit the other.
Maria Urive, a science student at KPU, says she spends around $200 to 300 every month when going out for dinner and dates with her partner.
“I spent most of my time with him. So, everything I do is with him,” Urive says.
Urive usually tries saving up money in advance when it comes to spending or buying gifts for her partner, adding that they have found cheaper alternatives to going out ever since moving in with each other.
“Sometimes I see nice things that remind me of him and [I feel] I should get this for him [because] it will make him happy.”
Aknin says gift-giving is a way to show your partner that you care and strengthen social relationships.
“Whether it’s in a romantic context or in a friendship context, it’s one resource, one piece of ourselves that we can offer to others,” she says.
Ravneet Kaur, a health science student at KPU, usually goes out to visit her partner in Victoria and spends around $200 a month. While they evenly split expenses when going out, Kaur says her partner usually ends up spending about $1,000 when visiting her. During this time, they make a budget to keep their expenses in check.
“Because [everything] is expensive, you can only do a few things. You cannot just go out anywhere you like because you also have to look at the prices,” she says.
KPU business student Karman Mangat thinks differently. She says relationships shouldn’t be impacted by financial expenses or inflation in the long run if one’s partner is understanding.
Her expenses in past relationships would only cross the threshold of $1,000 in case of a special occasion or birthdays.
After studying financial generosity in gift-giving, Aknin says gift-givers often experience short-term emotional benefits after doing small gestures for other people. These benefits can be garnered even through buying gifts that aren’t large or costly, but simply meaningful.
“It doesn’t need to be a large, grand, expensive gesture to show someone you care. As little as $2.50 can do the trick,” Aknin says.
Regardless of the economic climate, Ahmed-Haq says money for students in relationships is generally tight. She advises people continue to live like a student for the first five years after they get out of university to save money which will eventually boost their savings in the long run.
While working part-time jobs, students in post-secondary don’t have much income as compared to people who work full-time and are thus not in a position to justify a costly outing, Ahmed-Haq says.
For students, she says there are a lot of cheaper options than an expensive night out, and that the people you surround yourself with also make a huge difference when it comes to spending money.
“That doesn’t mean you need to not be friends or break up with someone that is a big spender,” Ahmed-Haq says. “Just be mindful when you’re with those individuals that your economic situation is different than theirs and you can’t spend in the same way.”
She also says it’s important to be aware of your partner’s financial situation when you are in a relationship and understand the dynamics of what might work for both of you.
“Especially if your [partner] lives in a different place or if you’re the full-time worker and you’re constantly suggesting expensive things, you may be putting that person in financial stress because they really can’t afford to do them.”
