Crumbl Cookies: Testing out Port Coquitlam’s newest attraction

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The viral cookie shop Crumbl has finally made its way to British Columbia, opening its doors to the cookie-crazed in Port Coquitlam on May 31. 

For those who may not know, Crumbl is a franchise bakery serving all sorts of freshly made cookies, rotating six different flavours each week. Over the past year or so, Crumbl has become a star in the online mukbang community, garning countless videos, likes, comments, and shares. 

As someone who enjoys watching an occasional mukbang video and can’t deny having a sweet tooth, the desire to try a Crumbl cookie became all consuming. So, last spring, I took myself on a small road trip south of the border to the nearest Crumbl location in Burlington, Wash., and it was worth every mile. The cookies were perfectly baked, fully satisfied my sweet tooth, and left me raving to friends and family for months following. 

When I heard a Crumbl was opening in Port Coquitlam, you better believe I was ready to reunite with those cookies once again like two long-lost lovers. My first attempt at this reunion was a naive one. I drove out to Coquitlam the evening of Crumbl’s opening day, only to turn right back around and go home. There had to be at least 300 people in line, which means I’m apparently not the only one crazy about these cookies. 

The next weekend, I decided to try again and brought my friend along for the ride in hopes the hype had died down, which it had, but only a little bit. Did the lineup to order wrap around the side of the building? Yes. Did we wait in it? Absolutely. Was it worth it? Questionable. 

After waiting for almost three hours, which yes, I’m ashamed to admit, we finally entered the store, which had a very sweet scent that quickly turned sickly. The six cookies available for that week were coconut cream pie, chocolate milkshake, milk chocolate chip, pink doughnut, cinnamon swirl, and brookie, which is brownie and cookie. 

At the time I ordered, pink doughnut and brookie were sold out, so I bought all the other four flavours and purchased a six-pack of cookies for a whopping $30 after tax, which is $5 per cookie. I took the cookies to my car with pride and sat down for a taste test. 

I started off with milk chocolate chip, which was the most mediocre cookie I’ve ever tasted. I genuinely have nothing to say about that cookie except it was a solid 5/10. 

I then moved on to try cinnamon swirl, which, as a cinnamon lover, I was excited for. But this one, to my disappointment, just wasn’t doing it for me. The cook’ was very thick and didn’t have much flavour. Its cinnamon topping was yummy but there wasn’t enough of it, and the cream cheese frosting was extremely sweet and had an artificial aftertaste. I rated this one a 6/10. 

Feeling a bit disappointed, I moved on to try milkshake, which is a chocolate cookie coated in sprinkles and topped with a light chocolate mousse. I enjoyed this cookie more than the others, but it was too rich and dense. I desperately needed water after one bite, which led me to rate this cookie a 7/10. 

I finished off my tasting with coconut cream pie, which ended up being my favourite. This was a vanilla cookie shaped as a pie crust, topped with a coconut pudding mixture and toasted coconut flakes. Unlike the other cookies, this one had flavour and wasn’t overly sweet or dense. I rated it an 8.5/10. 

It’s important to note that these cookies are huge and insanely calorific (one cookie is more than 700 calories). I only had a bite or two of each cookie, but within 10 minutes, my stomach did start to ache, and then cramp, and you can probably guess the rest. 

Overall, my cookie-obsessed heart did in fact crumbl after my experience at the Port Coquitlam location. I’m sorry, but $30 for six lack-luster cookies is not worth it to me. However, I’d still recommend those who are interested give Crumbl a try because YOLO. And who’s to say, maybe the cookie lineup will be better than the ones I tried out. 

What I can say, with confidence, is that Crumbl is 100 per cent better in the U.S., but what else is new?