Swipe left or right? KPU Surrey buildings as dating app profiles
They’re single, sassy, and looking for love
The buildings of KPU's Surrey campus are each ready to find their one true love. (Sarah Nelson/Nyamat Singh)
What if the buildings at Kwantlen Polytechnic University’s Surrey campus had feelings? What if they crushed your Wi-Fi connection, broke your GPA, and still had the audacity to look cute while doing it?
Welcome to the alternate universe where every KPU Surrey building is on a dating app. From Fir’s emotionally stable energy to Spruce’s moody-mystery vibes, here’s how our beloved study spots would look if they were single and ready to mingle.
Let the swiping begin.
Fir — Always available, never dramatic, a bit shy
About me: Introvert with a mysterious past (probably hosted every class ever). Don’t talk tech to me. Will give you a quiet place to overthink your life decisions and lockers to store your emotions.
Personality type: ISFJ (introverted, sensory, feely, and judgy), but also dependable and lowkey smart.
Looking for: Someone who respects the grind and brings snacks to lectures (vending machines for the win!).
Fir is the kind of building that’s calm, consistent, and quietly judging your procrastination. It won’t wow you with aesthetics, but it’s a classic — the kind of structure you bring home to meet your academic advisor.
Spruce — Atrium, but make it … emo
About me: No windows. No distractions. No apologies. Half science, half sketchbook, 100-per-cent basement vibes. Come for the biology lab, stay for the identity crisis.
Personality type: INTP (introverted, intuitive, thoughtful, perceiving), cerebral, observant, hard to read but fascinating.
Looking for: Someone who can handle low lighting and big feelings.
Spruce says it’s got an atrium, but it’s giving underground vampire art exhibit. If this building were a person, they’d sketch you mid-breakdown while quoting Sylvia Plath. Mysterious? Absolutely. It’s either that or you are getting dissected in the darkroom.
Cedar — All-rounder, where muscle meets midterms
About me: Gym before 9:00 am. Tim’s after. Event by noon. I’m booked, busy, and buzzed on double doubles. Tech savvy with a cardio addiction.
Personality type: ENFJ (extroverted, intuitive, feely, and judgy), charismatic, driven, lowkey CEO energy.
Looking for: Someone who can hold my heart and my protein shake.
Cedar is the overachiever who somehow balances fitness, academics, leadership, and making perfect playlists. If buildings had Instagram stories, Cedar would be posting 24/7. If you don’t run into Cedar five times a day, are you even on campus?
Birch — Feeding you, affirming you, starting revolutions with a side of fries
About me: Carb connoisseur. Feminist. First aid certified. I give safe space energy and fries. The Pride Centre is my love language.
Personality type: ENFP (extraverted, intuitive, feeling, and perceiving), nurturing, loud, doesn’t tolerate nonsense.
Looking for: Someone who reads horoscopes and remembers to hydrate.
Birch is warm, welcoming, and politically aware — like the friend who reminds you to eat, cry, organize, and buy cute pens (shoutout KPU Bookstore!). A cafeteria with a conscience. Birch probably wrote that wholesome note in the bathroom stall. They’ll hype you up, call out the patriarchy, and give you a Band-Aid if you trip on the stairs.
Arbutus — Third floor if you’re brave enough to fight the voices in your head
About me: Three floors of silence, judgment, and overdue romance. Don’t talk to me unless it’s in a whisper. Knows where all the hot takes are buried (usually in a book).
Personality type: INTJ (introverted, intuitive, thoughtful, and judgy), mysterious, intense, silently judging.
Looking for: A quiet intellectual who brings their own charger.
Arbutus is elegance, mystery, and quiet rage at group projects. They’re not mad — they’re just disappointed you didn’t proofread. Come correct or come with coffee and APA citations.
Maple — First face you see, last one you’ll forget (kudos to grad pictures)
About me: 22. Receptionist with a soft voice and a steel clipboard. I know where you’re going even if you don’t. Loves eye contact and clean lobbies.
Personality type: ESFJ (extroverted, sensing, feely, judgy) — welcoming, organized, a little nosy in a caring way.
Looking for: Someone who asks for directions and doesn’t get distracted by the fountains.
Maple is warm, well dressed, and lowkey running things behind the scenes. First impressions matter, and Maple’s been perfecting theirs since orientation week. Front desk glow-up energy with a hint of main character vibes.
Next time you’re walking to class, just remember those walls have vibes. Whether you’re cramming in Arbutus, caffeinating in Cedar, or spiraling in Spruce, you’re not just passing through buildings — you’re moving through very real personalities. And honestly? Some of them are hotter than the campus Wi-Fi during midterms week.
