The male loneliness epidemic is a myth, but the loneliness isn’t

Today, the issue of male loneliness is treated as an epidemic.

It attracts a ton of discussions on social media and global broadcasts.

However, as alarming as the problem is, I doubt that such global attention would bring about positive change.

To resolve this challenge, we need to look beyond the surface. The question is not whether the epidemic actually exists — it’s why we’re still asking this question.

For hundreds of years, humankind dealt with the hardships of loneliness. Yet, when global awareness drastically increased with the invention of the internet, and people gained the ability to communicate online, we began presenting these inherent, age-old questions as something new and unique.

As we see this matter as undoubtedly modern and strictly new, we seek quick and efficient solutions, limiting ourselves not only in reaching the true answer but also in grasping the real scale of this issue.

Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard viewed loneliness as a mark of one’s excellence. It’s a rather optimistic, yet naive, outlook on what is regarded today as the nastiest and most destructive aspect of human life.

It’s worth mentioning that Kierkegaard was a solitary soul himself. His first and only engagement, though as happy as it was, lasted a little more than a year.

Since then, Kierkegaard never showed even the slightest desire to start romantic relationships with someone else. He dedicated himself entirely to philosophy.

One may think that after spending most of his life alone, Kierkegaard must’ve grown used to it. However, despite abstaining from romantic love, he never remained truly alone. He had pupils and friends.

But most importantly, he had a passion for writing. It was a niche he discovered in his early years that later surrounded his way of life.

But that is only one side of the truth.

Friedrich Nietzsche, a famed German philosopher, led a very solitary and isolated existence, but unlike Kierkegaard, Nietzsche was, indeed, a lonely man.

The only people he felt affection for were his sister, Elisabeth, and Russian psychoanalyst Lou Andreas-Salomé.

Nietzsche was rejected by Andreas-Salomé two times, and soon after, his sister moved to another country with her husband — leaving him completely alone. It caused his mental health to take a massive decline, and one of the best thinkers of the 19th century ended up in a psych ward.

These examples perfectly illustrate that loneliness has been our companion throughout history. For some, like Kierkegaard, living in solitude was a sacrifice they were willing to make for the sake of something superior.

However, if it follows you at every step against your will — as it did with Nietzsche — then that becomes a major issue. The consequences of this isolation can be severe, but seeking comfort in other people isn’t a guaranteed option.

Sometimes, it’s a matter of prioritizing yourself. Preoccupied with how we appear to others, we frequently disregard our own feelings.

Writing a poem, stepping inside the ring, starting a blog — all of these actions use communication. The best solution lies in engaging in activities that insert human connection without focusing on the connection itself.

After all, loneliness is an inevitable part of life. What makes it a real problem is one’s ignorance in breaking this mould.