My disorder is not a trend

My disorder is not quirky or cute — it’s debilitating.

I often hear, “Oh my God, I’m so OCD!” when a classmate is talking about how they like keeping their desk organized or their files in alphabetical order. I know they are not trying to be malicious and most likely don’t know they are talking to someone that lives with obsessive-compulsive disorder. That being said, the stigma and misinformation around mental illness is harmful and not something that should be taken lightly. 

OCD is often seen as a personality trait that involves being overly organized or clean, and while some people do struggle with compulsions around cleanliness, that is not true for everyone with OCD — and it certainly does not summarize the disorder. 

In reality, OCD is a complicated mix of anxiety and intrusive thoughts that often lead to life-impairing compulsions. It can look like your aunt washing her hands over and over again until her knuckles crack and bleed. It can also look like your coworker being late for work because he had to check his door lock 10 times before he could leave the house. Compulsions are unique to the individual and can present in many different ways.

One of my first memories of struggling with OCD was from when I was in Grade 1. My class was rowdy, so my teacher created a star-ranking chart for good behaviour. I became so petrified of losing a star that I barely spoke in class. If one of my friends tried to get my attention while the teacher was talking, I would ignore them while making unwavering eye contact with the board. School became a living hell for me. My life revolved around following every rule to a T. I became so invisible to my teacher that he spelled my first name wrong on my report card. 

I was only seven at the time.

Today, social media has popularized a new trend — “when you let the intrusive thoughts win.” This trend frustrates me to no end. 

Intrusive thoughts are not the same as impulsive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are unwanted, involuntary ideas and images that are often graphic or disturbing in nature. 

When I was a child, I was deeply ashamed and afraid of these thoughts. I was worried I was secretly evil. Eating cake with your hands, though, is not an example of “letting the intrusive thoughts win.” 

Internet trends like these lead to more misinformation around a disorder that is already greatly misunderstood by the general public.

OCD is not the only disorder that’s trivialized this way. I hear phrases using ADHD, schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, PTSD, bipolar disorder, and other mental illnesses incorrectly. 

I hope through sharing my own experience, I can help destigmatize mental illness. I did not write this piece to shame you, if you have used these phrases — they are, unfortunately, very commonplace. I hope I can start a conversation and make you think twice before you use a mental disorder as a joke — because many of us are not laughing.