Wrinkles, the horror! Hollywood’s biggest fear is a 60-year-old leading lady

Monsters, demons, and ghosts used to be the scariest things to appear in Hollywood films. Yet, this other entity is so horrifying it’s rarely been cast in a lead role.

I give you the teeth-chattering, boot-shaking, and pearl-clutching being … a 60-year-old woman!

A U.K. study from Age Without Limits found men named Chris and talking animals are more likely to land a leading role in a film than older women.

If Hollywood favours a sheep that speaks rather than an actress over 60, who else might they choose to steal the spotlight? Here are some contenders I think would make the cut.

AI bot

Gone are the days where the label actor and actress were used to describe actual people. Today, production studios are generating their own “actors.” AI “actor” Tilly Norwood even landed a lead role in an upcoming feature film.

So, why would the Hollywood film industry jump on the AI wagon? To save them time and money.

Casting an AI bot would remove all human-related conflicts that come with creating any piece of media, including salary costs, scheduling issues, and unlimited retakes.

Also, AI doesn’t age. An actor who looks the same forever can have a long-lasting career — unlike a 60-year-old woman, right Hollywood?

It won’t be long until Hollywood is full of AI actors, and we’ll be asking ourselves — why is this bot named Chris?

Danny DeVito

Danny DeVito is Hollywood’s comfort character. His distinct accent, bright smile, and stocky frame paired with his charisma and iconic movie roles have gained him the title of the internet’s “grandpa.”

If he himself isn’t cast for a lead role, something that looks like him would be the next best thing. 

He could take the shape of a talking vegetable and somehow still inspire an important message about facing hardships. He did a great job in teaching us the importance of trees while looking like a hairy, hot cheeto voicing the Lorax.

But you know who else can teach us important life lessons without needing to change the way they look on screen? Actresses in their 60s.

Dinosaurs 

If Hollywood is afraid of wrinkles on a woman, they’ll probably resort to something more endearing and palatable — like a dinosaur.

Casting a dinosaur would be an easy way for the film industry to spin their own assumptions of older women while avoiding having to actually cast an older woman. 

If Hollywood wants to continue its streak of talking animal films instead of giving voices to a demographic of women with unique experiences and perspectives to share with the world, they’re doing everyone a disservice.

Women get better with age — but I’m not sure I can say the same for a guy named Chris.