Boy toys and veggie tales

By Jeff Groat [Entertainment Bureau Chief]

There are many sex toys on the market, mostly because we are wretched human beings who are unable to find a mate willing to stand the stench of our B.O. and must resort to such “hands-on” approaches.

Sorry, I’ll try not to bring myself into this. For most people, it’s not about being extremely lonely, depraved or perverted, but merely a way of spicing things up in the bedroom, or “in the sack,” if you will. There were many ideas for this column on sex toys.

“Do one only on male sex toys,” strangely coming from a male hetero friend of mine.
Another, from a female, “Toys from in and around the kitchen.”

Needless to say, the ideas coming in about sex toys were as varied as the things that exist for such purposes. As for the kitchen, there aren’t a lot of options other than the obvious phallic-shaped objects like cucumbers and other veggies that are this same basic shape. I would tend to stay away from ones that grow in the ground and are covered in dirt, or are rough, spiny or pointy (unless you go for that sort of thing).

But while we’re still on food, let’s dig through the cupboards.

Although a little on the messy side, a bottle of honey, some chocolate sauce or a jar of jam can be just as intriguing as a cucumber, but don’t forget to bring a towel.
If we leave the kitchen behind, and look for something for the guys, well…try it yourself, Google “male sex toys,” just so you know what I had to sift through. Predictably, most of the basic principles are the same, but the names vary from everything like the “Fleshlight,” to the “Autoblow.” Guys are simple creatures.

Anal beads. There was no easy way to bring that one in, so, there it is, let’s talk about it. They are what they sound like, a series of attached beads in a variety of materials that go in, well, there. The speed at which they are inserted and then removed creates the desired sensation, but my advice is simple: be very careful. There are all kinds of other toys designed to accomplish all sorts of things. But as with anything you use or do in the bedroom, make sure you have the right reasons for what you do, who you do it with and why you’re doing it.