Email typos are the bane of my existence

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To whom it may concern,

You know what really irks me? Emails with spelling and grammar errors. Being frustrated, I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and count to 10 like I was taught. 

There’s silence for one second, two. Afterwards, I just scream. After all, yelling is the most productive way to react to an email. I’m not a child. I’m a bonafide adult.

As for the email composer, they must have skipped typing class. In all their grand excellence, they forgot to hit the spacebar a few times or misplaced letters in sentences. Now, you have word abominations you never thought could even exist in the English language. 

Do you know that TV show “American Horror Story”? Well, consider badly written emails an English horror story. You can drop your pretenses and misspell things over social media, but when it comes to email, you need to change your Outlook. This Microsoft Office app deserves more dignity than that.

Did the composer not bother using the spell checker before clicking “send” at the top right-hand corner of their email page? Apparently so, since their message is permeated with mistakes. It says a lot about their character. 

Missing a few periods or nouns suggests the sender prefers to type first, and embarrass the English language later. 

The nerve, the arrogance, I’ve seen it all before. 

There’s no chance for redemption, not unless he’s Furiosa from Mad Max: Fury Road. He’s not? Well, tough luck. 

Writing adjectives before nouns or missing an “s” disgraces subject-verb agreements. This nonsense shows the writer is as forgetful with remembering proper grammar as they are at remembering that using the dictionary is still an option. What a shame, and here I thought writers were the sharpest people around.

It’s as if the sender is saying to you, “Here’s my error-filled email, nerd. Deal with it.” 

I start fuming at the thought, my eyes as red as Mars. 

“Oh, don’t worry, I will,” I think in linguistic anguish. 

How heartless do you need to be to think your recipient should shoulder the burden of dissecting every missing letter or comma in your prized digital message? I’m a human being worthy of respect.

Who does this sender think I am? Just because I dressed up as the Oxford English Dictionary last Halloween does not mean I am one. Judging by their email etiquette, the sender must’ve dressed up as the Encyclopedia of Electronic Sloppiness.

I thought errors went extinct when the typewriter retired. Guess I was wrong.

Kind regards,

A concerned recipient.