How many cups of coffee is really too many?

Coffee, the drink of the gods. The morning-starter. The mug of liquid gold. It’s the key ingredient that many people use to make waking up tolerable. From that coffee pod being ejected, or the beans being ground up and put through a filter, coffee is a huge part of most everyone’s life. 

But as with everything, coffee has its limits on how much should be taken. Or does it? What counts as the right amount of coffee? 

The first cup 

The first cup is usually the best one, especially if the coffee you’re drinking is the one you’ve ground up and filtered yourself. The sensation of the morning grogginess leaving your body is exhilarating. You’re pumped to start the day. Nothing can stop you now. Since this is the first cup, there is no overwhelming need to urinate or shake uncontrollably – which is nice. There are no inconveniences, nothing to stop you from accomplishing your daily tasks.

The second cup

Once the effect of the caffeine from the first cup starts to wane off, you notice your work-capacity starting to slow down a bit. The cravings for an energy boost start to kick in. Sometimes a booster is necessary. You reach for your mug and fill it up a second time. The taste is slightly off, having waited in the pot for some time, but having access to caffeine is still a comforting feeling. 

The fourth cup

A slippery slope. Having had the first three cups, your body now enters a hyperactive state of jittery, erratic movements. You can be focused on work, but only through tunnel vision, and easier tasks are still pretty manageable.

The tenth cup

Only the toughest of folks can reach this cup level. Forget using automobiles or other forms of transport, you can run like Sonic to your destination. Don’t go too fast though, because you might wind up travelling back to 1960, and we all know how wack that time was. 

The twelfth cup

Eleven was a lot, but you had to push it didn’t you? The abyss has shown itself. Your brain is overwhelmed with every emotion known to humanity, as if your head has been cracked open and is sucking in the thoughts of everyone around you. Your body starts vibrating at an intense rate, so intense that you can cut through solid concrete simply by laying on it. There is no reversing to what has been done. There is only rest in death. Only the Lord, or whoever is watching over us, can save you now.