Just embrace your quarter-life crisis already

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Old age is inevitable. Though we may enjoy our youth punctuated by drinking, partying, more drinking, more partying, and the ensuing hangover that follows, getting old is something that everyone must face. This reality hits us like a thunderbolt when we enter our late twenties, usually around 25. You can feel the youth draining from your fingertips, the glorious plans you made for the future turn to dust, and all motivation to do anything to better yourself seems futile. We will all grow old, get grey, and expire. While that may be inescapable, you need to raise your head and make the most of what you have while you still have it. 

You’re only young once, so the clock is ticking. Think of it like being stuck in an hourglass; you only have a limited amount of time before you fall through the hole and land in a pile of sand. It makes sense when you really think about it. In other words, you might as well enjoy being young and dumb while you can (within legal bounds of course). 

Don’t be afraid to be a little dumb 

Mistakes are how we learn. It’s okay to mess up on things, like letting out an embarrassing sneeze that sounds similar to a flatulent elephant while confessing your admiration to your crush, or the time you asked a really dumb question at a Q&A for your favourite actor and the whole auditorium was clutched in an unbearable silence. 

Don’t shy away from being cringey. To be cringe is to live, after all, no matter how much you groan in agony upon reminiscing about it in later years. 

Fulfill your dreams 

Sometimes, the most difficult step is the first one. We all have hopes and dreams. If you want to achieve them, now’s the chance to do it when you’re young. After all, why dream about making an underwater garden when you can do that right now? 

You could start your own koi pond if you wish. Just dig a hole deep enough and let that lovely Vancouver weather do its stuff. Find some koi (you may need to steal some but it’s only illegal if you’re caught) and voila; a nice koi pond to compliment your garden. Beware of rogue koi-munching otters, however. 

Travel the world 

I know, I know. You technically can’t do this, but where there’s a will, there’s a way. With the arrival of whatever new COVID variant we’re on, it looks like reaching for the sky won’t be advisable anytime soon. 

There is a solution to this, and it involves gathering a lot of seagulls together. 

Before you laugh this off and retreat, hear me out. Believe it or not, seagulls have a lot of power. They are like a dumpier downgraded version of eagles, but their strength is underrated. 

First off, you’ll need to acquire a huge amount of breadcrumbs and duct tape. After going to an area where there’s an abundance of seagulls, scatter the breadcrumbs and soon you’ll have an army of seagulls. Take the duct tape and use it to link the seagulls together. Seagulls are known to be sympathetic to young folks going through a quarter-life crisis, so it will be easy to persuade your feathered commune to help you travel wherever you want. This is also a very green and environmentally-friendly travel method.