Hey, the new Jurassic World: Dominion trailer was recently released on YouTube. It hints at what dangers to expect when dinosaurs are free to cause havoc around the globe. But, if these prehistoric creatures still roamed the Earth, what exactly would take them out first?
Well, I’ll tell you what would wipe out the dinosaurs. Like, besides a meteor impact. Or other dinosaurs.
Emperor penguins. From Antarctica. For real.
There’s no room on this planet for two species of such magnificence.
Don’t let the Happy Feet movies deceive you. Emperor penguins may seem nice, but if they saw dinosaurs, they would be merciless. And their feet would not be happy.
The emperor penguins led by the ruthless King Waddle would first form a shaky truce with King T-Rex and his dinos. It’s only a clever ruse to gain their trust. While sharing a meal, Waddle’s assassin, Flipper secretly poisons Rex’s Triceratops lasagna. Rex dies, throwing his prehistoric kingdom into disarray.
The dinos roar in agony at losing their leader, but the emperor penguins secured their reign as the ruling species of all life on Earth. Or have they?
Some surviving dinosaurs are led by rebel leader Velo of Raptor, the close friend of the late T-Rex king, planning revenge against the penguins. Carnivores and herbivores would be forced to unite against their aquatic foe, the only good thing that came out of the fall of their ruler. An uneasy peace between eternal enemies.
During Waddle’s daily swim-and-fish excursions, Velo and his allies mobilize their forces to attack the penguin king. Waddle is alone. Victory is close.
However, like any despotic ruler, emperor penguins are prepared for all conspiracies, rebellions, and assassinations.
Unknown to the dinos, Waddle bribed a pterodactyl with an endless supply of fish to be a spy and get the intimate details of Velo’s agenda of taking back his kind’s kingdom from the monarchy of the flightless oppressor.
Waddle laid a trap for Velo and his conspirators. He dives into the water, a signal for his army to annihilate the prehistoric schemers with lava javelins and asteroid catapults.
It was a noble effort from the dinosaurs to take back what was taken from them, but they’re no match for emperor penguins and their Machiavellian imperial tactics.
And what happens to the spy? He looks on, seeing the horror of his fellow dinosaurs meeting their primordial ends. Again.
The pterodactyl feels guilty, but Waddle senses this and gives him his fish. It only takes one piece of seafood for the pterodactyl to die from the same poison used to kill King T-Rex.
Victory, thy name is Antarctica.
So, are the emperor penguins the real imperialists of this animal-based, Shakespearean tragedy, or were they its heroes protecting the modern world from the terror of the dinosaur age? You decide because emperors are emperors, and dinosaurs are, well, they’re extinct.