What goes through a mosquito’s head when it bites you?

Hint: it's sexual

Art by @RESLUS

Art by @RESLUS

Maybe you hear her coming, a faint buzzing behind you that signals her approach. It’s not your girlfriend, no it’s someone else entirely. 

Buzz buzz baby, it’s your favourite summertime hookup: the mosquito. 

When the sun starts coming down, it’s time for her to come out and play. 

Her thousand lenses spot you from across the room, and despite her best “come hither” look, you seem determined to stay away. She smiles, knowing she has all night while her husband is off sucking some flower, and she needs to get filled to make her eggs. Her only hesitation is wishing she could have slipped into something more comfortable before having her way with you.

She doesn’t care if you’re a girl or a guy, mosquitos are progressive like that, so long as you have that succulent, tasty blood for her. She’s no vampire, but she’ll be your goth girlfriend if that’s what you’re into. 

What makes her so fixed on you? It could be your dark clothes, or that delicious perfume or cologne on your skin. Maybe she can smell the hot, tasty AB type blood if she’s Anopheles, or type O if she’s Aedes. And that’s not her star sign, it’s her genus — but she’s more focused on getting into your genes, if you know what I mean.

After watching and getting herself ready, she figures you like to chase, and she will oblige. Sneaking up and slipping under your collar, or maybe landing on your buff, well toned arm to prepare for the fun to begin. 

She wishes she had some music to set the mood as she slowly, sensually, and carefully slides her proboscis into you — it might be your first time after all. Once she’s as deep as she can go, with both of her millimetres deep in your smooth skin, she starts sucking like her life depends on it. She’ll make sure to use lots of saliva to keep that sweet nectar — erm, I mean blood — flowing, and baby she’s swallowing it all. 

Once she’s had her fill, drinking almost three times her body weight in blood, she’ll pull out slowly, savouring the feeling. And even though she’d love to cuddle, it’s time for her to head home. She’s got a busy week ahead of her, laying all those eggs she just made with your thick, warm, blood. Don’t worry she’ll be thinking about you the whole time as she’s laying.

Maybe she’ll come by again for her next feeding, or she’ll keep her options open and find someone new. If you’re feeling adventurous, you can seek her out near standing water after dusk. I’m sure a few of these fly ladies will be willing to say, “hello.”

You may have noticed you get bites in odd spots, like your ankle or armpit, and wonder why there. You have heard of a foot fetish right? Mosquito gals can have them too, no need to kink shame. And when her man is unable to satisfy her needs, well, a little experimentation never hurt anyone. 

In all fairness though, you didn’t consent to such activities, so feel free to slap the little buggers as soon as you see them heading your way.