The rise of the pigs

Bacon perfume harbours the rise of pigs and the downfall of man

Bacon perfume harbours the potential for the downfall of mankind. (Flickr/thornypup)

Bacon perfume harbours the potential for the downfall of mankind. (Flickr/thornypup)

Everyone loves bacon, but that luxury was commonplace, instead only present in the kitchen.

A new perfume concoction makes you smell like fried pork, and we already know prom night is going to be the most awkward time in terms of what your nose processes. But while these delightful fragrances certainly set you apart from the rest, there lies a sinister underside to this whole plotline, one that sees humanity’s decline and the uprising of pigs. 

It all starts off innocently. 

A company proposes a ground-breaking concept, one which sells well and is popular amidst the youth. The trend starts to gain traction as influencers flock to the product, trying it out for themselves and sharing the reactionary footage online. The bacon perfume starts to become known internationally and, soon enough, multiple corporations want to acquire the endorsement from this pork-belly fragrance. 

Soon, the pig cologne saturates the world in an inescapable smell of cooking pork, and society collapses. All forms of civil composure disintegrate into anarchy.

“Everything smells like bacon!” The populace cries out, some resorting to panic-buying whole canisters of oxygen in a mad dash to escape the present smell of pork. 

Then, pigs rise up. 

When these porkers intake the scent of their fried kin, they are overtaken with evolutionary anger. No longer will they just sit in baths of mud, lounging about, getting fat. No, this time the bacon brings you home, and it won’t be in one piece. 

Not only have they gained sentience on-par with humans, but they now have the ability to speak a crude form of English. They create their first word, dubbing themselves as “porkers.”

“Oink oink, revolution!” A porker correspondent said in a press conference that only one person attended — me. 

They made it clear that humanity’s time on earth has come to an end. No longer is mankind the greatest species of all time. 

Sir Hammton, one of their leaders,  is a huge fan of George Orwell’s Animal Farm, and has based the principles of his piggy tribe on the iconic novel, including “all animals are equal, but some are more equal than others.” 

Except they are not content with just apples and milk. No, they crave something more than just the aforementioned food items, something only upright pigs can concoct: power. 

Humanity has been forced into cages the size of a small apartment bathroom, all the while the only air they breathe is the very bacon perfume that caused their downfall. The oink-laden laughter of the great porkers ring out as earth undergoes a terrifying metamorphosis. 

Green forests become mud pens, glorious skyscrapers become mud pens, everything becomes mud pens. The other farm animals must save themselves.