Cats are actually trying to mind-control us

They’re fuzzy on the outside, but prickly on the inside

Art by @RESLUS

Cats don’t like me, and I don’t like them either. 

There’s just something about cats that send shivers down my spine. Inside that furry ball of cuteness, evil is waiting to be unleashed. The emotionless look they give you with wide eyes like a mind reader and they creep behind your neck without making any noise. 

Worst of all is how they yowl all night long, not letting anyone sleep and when you try to stop it, they hiss at you like it’s your fault. 

Their independence, wit, and seemingly unlimited number of lives can lead to the downfall of humanity. That’s why we should be more afraid of what they can do, especially when we get on their bad side. 

Have you ever wondered why your bowl of grapes tasted a bit different when you forgot to clean the cat’s poop last week? Well, now you know. 

Their evil starts with finding the perfect human to control. It’s not an emotional bond or fate of the universe that brought you together, it’s years of research and hidden investigations if you match what they’re looking for. 

That’s exactly what happened to my grandma when she saw a cat on her doorstep, in the middle of the night, which should have made her suspicious. They became the perfect match: watching television together, eating their meals with her cat food on the dinner table, and roaming around the house to judge whoever did not do their chores yet. 

Both of them analyzed me, judging my whole existence. Sometimes I would catch the cat staring at me for a long time every full moon. I couldn’t look away even if I tried, and I wondered if it was thinking of ways to get rid of me or how it could make me the next mind-controlled puppet.  

Cats are also revenge-seeking beings by ripping apart our nice leather couches in the living room. These evil creatures remember every single thing we do wrong, and they will spend their nine lives to make your one life a living hell. 

Once my grandma didn’t let the cat sit on her lap. The next thing I heard was a never-ending cry that strikingly sounded like a baby to make my grandma change her mind — manipulation at its finest.

And on the monthly bath day, my grandma ends up with countless scratches all over her arms while the cat glares at her from afar. Regardless of the chaos, she would still choose her cats over first-aid any day.

Their appearance of sweetness and innocence make them irresistible to love and spoil, but that’s their way to control you. For a cat, humans are the pet, and they’re the owners. 

So, if you catch your cat staring at you for a long time, better rethink your choices. Either you did something wrong, or they’re trying to control your mind to give them a second dinner.