Five Outrageously Awkward Internet Things We Wish Would Come Back
Humour / March 6, 2015
There’s actually only five.
By Samantha Thompson, Executive Editor
Let’s be clear: the internet has some real gems. We’ve gathered up the five best that need to stick around/make a comeback in order for the internet to stay awesome. Bring on your lols and your hashtags.
Dolan and Gooby
Dolan and Gooby are two of my favourite comic characters. They’re basically super sad looking versions of Donald Duck and Goofy, and the duo go on fun adventures where their lives basically suck. A couple years ago Dolan and Gooby were big news on the internet, but now sadly they’ve been replaced by the shocker ending of Archie. It’s like in Wreck-it-Ralph when video games get unplugged when they’re broken — Archie basically broke all other comics with its Big Announcement Ending, which shoved Dolan and Gooby to the sidelines. Bring them back, I say!
Too Many Cooks
This is by far my least favourite on the list, but it’s pretty popular right now so here it is. This awful video doesn’t exactly need to “come back,” but a few months from now when everyone has forgotten about the too many cooks and the excessive scenes of squirting blood, someone will say, “Wow, I really miss Smarf!” And then they’ll order Pizza Hut and gather round the YouTube, settling in for what will be a powerful 15-minutes of the same three words being repeated over and over again.
Hey girl, Ryan Gosling unintentionally made it big in the internet world, because he was a meme. The best Ryan Gosling was feminist Ryan Gosling, when he would say things like “Hey girl, you’re awesome just the way you are but you don’t need my male opinion to tell you that,” and other equally awesome phrases. Of course, it all started with the “Fuck Yeah, Ryan Gosling!” blog that became super famous when Gosling had to read some of the memes out loud on TV. Then there was Typography Ryan Gosling, Shakespeare Ryan Gosling, and Political Science Ryan Gosling. The only thing better than his “Hey Girls” is when Ryan refuses to eat his cereal. I just feel that this trend has petered off too much, now that he’s a dad. It’s time to bring it back! His daughter must know that he likes to eat his Cheerios!
Grumpy Cat is one of the weirdest internet things because well, she’s a cat that just happens to have a grumpy face. It must suck to be Grumpy Cat, other than the fact that she’s super rich and all she has to do really is sit there. Grumpy Cat made it big this year, launching her very own movie on Lifetime which looks like it has the potential to be made into a million gifs for Tumblr users. The weirdest thing to me is that Grumpy has her own PR person, who gets to say things like “No, Grumpy only eats this cat food,” and “Grumpy will only be on-camera for 10 seconds at a time.” Like, what? Sorry, Grumpy Cat is a cat and should just chill out on her very expensive cat pillow. I want Grumpy to go back to the internet where she was happily both a meme and living a cat life.
T-Swizzle is not exactly an “Internet Thing,” but she makes the list because she is someone who actually goes on the internet. Taylor uses social media, posts photos of her cats, and uses hashtags. It’s pretty exciting. My favourite is whenever she breaks the fourth wall and comments on something the social media world has been saying about her. The walls have ears! Be careful what you say! Listen to “Shake it off” on repeat and maybe she’ll also invite you to a free party at her house!