Stuff your Dad likes: nudie mags

Jacob Zinn can’t give you fatherly advice, but he can snore through the wall.

By Jacob Zinn
[contributor]

Dear The Runner Forum,

When your dad was your age, he had a stash. You know, the stash.

Whether he hid them under his mattress, behind his dresser or buried in a cardboard box in the forest, your dad had one or two nudie mags to his name. He was once a teenager too, and he fell for Miss January through December.

Some dads may not admit it, but others may pass down their fortune of, ahem, gentlemen’s literature. Your dad likely “read” Playboy, turning every issue sideways for that angelic centerfold. He idolized Hugh Hefner before the Hef started dating women fractions of his age.

Your dad modelled himself as a pipe-smoking, Don Draper-esque ladies’ man (or so he thought). He stayed away from the pornographic Hustler and Penthouse, opting for taste and class over smut.

But why would he look at scantily clad women on such an outdated medium as a magazine? Remember, this is pre-internet. Back then, your teenage dad had to bribe his older brother or his cousin to legally acquire it for him. He was still curious to know what a naked woman looked like, and he couldn’t just Google it.

He knew the risks involved in having a stash. If your dad’s mom found out, boy, would she be pissed. And if your dad’s dad found out? Well, he couldn’t blame him, but he’d have to at least appear to side with his wife.

You kids have no idea how good you have it. Nudie mags were hard to come by, and it wasn’t like your dad’s friends were sharing theirs. They were busy hiding them from their moms also.

But despite the risk, your dad got them anyway and hid them as best he could. If he gave them to you instead of selling them on Craigslist, consider yourself lucky. You have issues of men’s magazines that date back a generation.

So get out that shovel and dig up your backyard for some sexy relics. (And, for the sake of journalism, actually read some of the articles. Please.)