Every now and then, a dreadful memory enters my mind and violates the calmness I was just revelling in. It could be an incredibly cringey moment as a kid when I thought I could jump over a puddle, only to trip and get my butt soaked in front of my friends, or that whole fanfiction phase that a good amount of people go through in their adolescence.
However, one memory sticks out like a wolverine in an art museum, and that’s the abomination that was chocolate Skittles.
Skittles themselves are a staple. They taste absolutely awesome and they give your jaw muscles an exercise. You haven’t lived life at all until you smuggle a bag of these in your jacket at the cinema.
The bright, colourful packaging rewards the eyes while you’re cruising for snacks at the store, and they are just a welcoming sight to see at parties. But for all good things, there are always bad things that remind us why we like good things, and Skittles is sadly no exception.
When you crack open an original-flavoured packet of Skittles, corresponding colours convey what flavour they are. For example, purple is grape, yellow is lemon, and orange is orange, obviously.
When I initially heard of chocolate Skittles, I was standing outside the gymnasium after kung-fu practice, and my mom unveiled Skittles’ new product.
Being fatigued, the sensation of digging into a colourful candy was something a 13-year-old couldn’t resist. What greeted me upon opening the bag was a mixture of brownish-coloured and white pebbles. Ignoring the crystal-clear red flags, I shrugged my shoulders and popped some into my mouth.
What followed was the most god-awful, fucking hideous, disappointingly depressing, cringe-your-face-into-a-raisin experience that caused my body to convulse in horror upon remembering it.
I don’t know what happened. I wanted happiness, but I didn’t find it here.
My mouth was filled with the sickening taste of really shit-tier caramel if it had a lovechild with an expired Turkish delight left underneath the fridge. It had the sweet aftertaste of what I imagine a solidified cup of tea would taste like after being left out for eight weeks, subverting my expectations in the worst ways imaginable.
Think of every bad Halloween candy you’ve had in your childhood, like tootsie rolls, circus peanuts, actual fruit, even a couple of rogue rocks that somehow ended up in the bag, and that’s basically chocolate Skittles.
The sheer betrayal felt when biting into these irradiated pebbles of disappointment is a testament to how terrible of an idea this whole thing was. I believe that every producer of a good thing is allowed to produce a doozy every once in a while, but even so, this has to be one of Skittles’ biggest flops.