There are aliens among us

Here’s how aliens are blending in to human society

Art by @RESLUS

Life as we know it is full of interesting revelations. From the usefulness of white bread as an adhesive to the joy of chugging whole gallons of vinegar, there is no shortage of surprises that we have concocted. 

As a result of this aptitude for inventing, destroying, and reinventing concepts, aliens have taken human form to study us. To effectively do so, they are blending into our societal behaviours and social practices. 


Utilize social media and upload the effects of anti-gravity

While a more professional extraterrestrial would restrain from causing any disturbances that could give away their positions, more crafty and mischievous xenos have taken to posting on social media about the effects alien technology has on humanity.

Aliens shoot anti-gravity waves at unsuspecting humans and record their terrified reactions to floating in the air and the ensuing chaotic scene that follows. When chewed out by their superiors, the general defence is that proper research about human behaviour can be conducted in this way. True to the cynicism of humanity, such occurrences are brushed off as crisis acting or clout chasing because somebody levitating in the air is simply too much for the average mind to manage.


Consume vast amounts of sugar

In the same way, skeletons must drink milk to maintain ideal calcium levels to continue their existence as well, aliens must eat entire gallons and litres of sugar to maintain their human-costume disguise. You’d think that an alien would dissolve the sugar in a liquid, akin to how a protein powder is normally consumed, but no.

A typical alien meal consists of sitting in a darkened room with The Twilight Zone playing on a speaker, placing a funnel in their mouth, and emptying an entire sack of sugar into it. The average alien has no idea what decency is, so to them, the quickest way to ingest sugar on the fly is to go to Starbucks and down the whole shaker of sugar. The shocked patrons at the café can be cured with a mindwipe. 


Burn some farm crops

Some disguised aliens just choose chaos. During the earlier days of aliens trying to integrate into humanity, they observed punky teenagers flattening crops into absurd shapes. Deciding this was the ideal way to blend in, disguised aliens took to making crop circles because they deemed it as normal human behaviour. As a result, many people have attributed the mysterious crop circles to alien spacecraft landing on farmland, oblivious to the fact that it’s just aliens doing a little trolling.

So, aliens walk among us. 

Whether as a Starbucks customer or local landscaper, aliens hide in plain sight to unravel the mysteries of humanity. Their methods may be questionable at best, but it’s all worth it in the grand scheme of human research.