I do not understand NFTs and I refuse to learn
Please stop trying to explain them to me because I will not listen
(Kristen Frier)
A lot of bad shit has happened in the last few years. You know, the global pandemic is still happening, Betty White died, they did surgery on a grape. But by far the worst thing that has happened to me personally is the rise of the NFT, or rather, the rise of straight dudes trying to talk to me about NFTs, and most of them aren’t even cute.
Elon Musk, Cybersecurity, NFTs. There are a handful of things every crypto-bro will not shut up about. And yes, when they start speaking we can decide to think about sandwiches instead, but how long before our subconscious picks up on what an NFT is and does? How will we change as people once we ingest this new information?
Well boy do I have a revolutionary new idea for you! What if instead we all collectively agree to just shut up about NFTs for the rest of time?
Everyone who is currently “in the know” about this new crypto-craze is, as we all know, just the worst. The work of many creators of all types has been appropriated in order for some schmuck to turn a profit. Since we can all bond through our shared annoyance with them, maybe, just maybe, the real NFT was the friends we made along the way.
As far as I understand it, for an NFT to be profitable, it has to involve either a monkey, a cowboy hat, or both. This set of rules is, in my opinion, just despicable. Monkeys do not wear cowboy hats in nature, they don’t have that kind of money. Once again “big NFT” is gaslighting the general population into thinking something false, like that monkeys wear cowboy hats or that art is profitable.
NFT? More like Not F*cking T-interesting. NFTs combine two of the worst things to come out of capitalism: Bitcoin, and copyright. Both of these things are useless.
Can you use Bitcoin to buy a Gatorade after a long hard day of complaining? No? Worthless.
Will the concept of copyright come knocking on your door to bring you a Gatorade when your mouth is dry because you spent all day complaining about NFTs? You complain so loudly that your cat couldn’t even stand to be around you anymore.
Someone needs to do the tough job of telling the truth to the powerful, and in this case, the truth is that I do not want to hear about NFTs anymore.
Not even enough to Google what an NFT is in order to complain about them more accurately, and after all isn’t that what the gatekeeping digital stock market crypto-cult is all about?
